Marvel Comics Civil War 2 Issue 5 (2016)

By: Karl Stern (@dragonkingkarl, @wiwcool, karl@whenitwascool.com)

I can't believe we are just five issues into Marvel Comics second Civil War series.  It seems like this one sided, very little buzz event just keeps dragging on.  DC Comics has really picked up it's game post rebirth but Marvel has slid firmly into the doldrums post Secret Wars.  Can Marvel right this ship into something interesting with issue 5 of Civil War 2?  Let's see.

 Very few of these people have a key roll in this issue.  Only a couple are even sure why they are fighting.

Very few of these people have a key roll in this issue.  Only a couple are even sure why they are fighting.

The issues begins with a pair of unrealistically bratty tourist flying around the statue of Liberty in a helicopter on a sight seeing tour and pouting about not seeing super heroes.  In the Marvel Universe I couldn't imagine you could go a block in New York City without stepping on a super hero or two.  Suddenly, a no-fly warning is broadcast as Drax the Destroyer goes flying by the window of the helicopter.

We then cut to a big two page fight scene with many of the better known Marvel Universe super heroes in full battle with one another.  On one side I spot Captain America (the real one, Steve Rogers), Dr. Strange, Angel, the female Hawkeye, Old Man Wolverine, Luke Cage (who I'm pretty sure in his own comic said he was staying out of all this), Cyclops, Iron Man, Thor, Falcon Captain America, Iceman, and a few random other heroes (presumably X-Men) I don't recognize.  On the opposite side we have Captain Marvel, Groot, Star Lord, Puck, Storm, Venom, Sasquatch, Black Panther, and several others I don't recognize (presumably Alpha Flight or X-Men or Inhumans).

About page six we get a handy breakdown of the various featured characters.  This is very helpful since I literally do not follow X-Men or Inhuman books (besides Karnak which I love).  Our roll call of characters are: Captain Marvel, Ulysses (the Inhuman everyone is fighting over who can predict the future... sort of), Iron Man, Blue Marvel, Black Panther, Spectrum, Dr. Strange, Captain America (the real one), Riri Williams(I have no idea who or what this is), Star Lord, Rocket Raccoon, Venom, Hawkeye (the female version), Luke Cage, Storm, Iceman, Magik, Auora, Sasquatch, Puck, Medusa, Beast, Karnak, Hawkeye (the male version), Idie Okonkwo (no idea), Cyclops, Kid Apocalypse (no idea), Angel, Young Beast, Young Iceman, Nova, Captain America (Falcon Sam Wilson), Spider-Man (Miles Morales), Thor, Vision, and Ms. Marvel.  If you can't keep that straight, neither can I.

We cut scene to Madusa informing Karnak that the Inhumans are going to help Captain Marvel.  Karnak is one of my favorite characters right now in the Marvel Universe and it appears he is training Ulysses.  We cut back to the battle where Captain Marvel is fighting with Iron Man the two opposing leaders of this latest Civil War.  Dr. Strange joins in battling the X-Men.  I'm still not sure how anyone justifies Captain Marvel's position in this conflict.  Like at what point did we get Dr. Strange figuring out the obviously wrong side was right?  Maybe I missed it but this event just needs to end already or at least come to a better point of things.

 Yes, we all hoped it would not come to this.

Yes, we all hoped it would not come to this.

We then thankfully cut away from the battle to see Hawkeye (the male one) listening to news reports of the battle.  Clint Barton was recently cleared of killing The Hulk (Bruce Banner) even though... well... he killed The Hulk (Bruce Banner).  That is the only thing we get out of Hawkeye this entire issue.  It looks like he suits up in the last panel but nothing is told of what happens next with him. 

We cut back to the battle and at least this time we get some Miles Morales Spider-Man banter which someone is still pretty good at writing.  Miles Morales is one of the better characters in the current hoo-hum Marvel Universe.  The banter between Miles and Rocket Raccoon and Venom are about the best things in this book thus far.  

 Thankfully miles morales spider-man shows up to save this thing.

Thankfully miles morales spider-man shows up to save this thing.

Then it's page after page of basically Hero A bantering with Hero B about what side they are on and no one having a good answer and that is what is entirely wrong about this whole Civil War 2- there is no compelling reason for this to be happening.  I understand the conflict set up by Ulysses and the killing of the Hulk but the events that lead up to it make no sense and Captain Marvel has yet to be able to articulate a real reason for all this drama and seemingly no one on her side can either.

And then... then we cut to a wildly weird, completely untelegraphed OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SEEING THIS PANEL!  I don't want to spoil this, not because it's so Earth shattering (I've literally not heard it mentioned a single time since the issue has been released) but because it's so mindbogglingly stupid and obviously isn't going to be left this way scene.  Let's just say someone you'd least expect gets killed by someone whom you'd least expect to kill them.  I suppose it's actually supposed to be a vision of Ulysses (who sees the future) and didn't really happen but who can know and who cares.  This series needs to end already and Marvel seriously needs to get back to writing good comic series and drop this event stupidity for a while.  When It Was Cool grade- D-